Some people believe authority must be displayed. Others think firmness or criticism will raise their chances. And there are those who rely on excessive charm, hoping kindness alone might change the outcome.

Yet after years across the industry, upgrades rarely followed any of these performances.

Hospitality is shaped by human judgement. Behind every counter is someone balancing policy, availability, and instinct. When an interaction feels heavy with expectation, the space tightens. When it feels overly performative, it becomes uncomfortable.

The moments that led to unexpected gestures were usually quieter.

Guests who were clear, respectful, and genuinely aware of the effort behind the experience often created a different atmosphere. The exchange felt balanced. Decisions became easier.

Nothing was guaranteed.

Nothing was owed.

But recognition moved both ways.

Over time, I began to see upgrades less as rewards and more as reflections of alignment, a moment where two people understand each other without pressure.

At About the Stay, we think about hospitality through that same lens. Structure provides clarity, but empathy allows experiences to evolve naturally within it.